Dear Me,

Today consisted of patterns for Productions class. I basically worked on that all today. During all the homework I finished today, I caught American Best Dance Crew. This show inspired me to get a group together and dance. I love dancing w/all my heart; i could dance for the rest of my life, every minute of my life. I also realized how much I really love Britney Spears, regardless of how much everyone hates her or how much she hates herself.. I am addicted to her songs; probably because all of her songs are dancing music and I love dancing. One day, I will get a dance crew together and we are gonna dance our asses off. I swear to God. I hope I can get my life together...

I talked to Shannon today.. She spilled all of her stress to me and I advised her as a friend would.. But she told me she might have cancer. Of course, I am scared for her.. I am also scared for myself.. What if I have cancer? But what if I don't? Shit, I'll find out Monday. My life is so shitty right now.. Sometimes I question why I wake up everyday... But I always cry at the thought of dying from cancer. I am sure I couldn't have it, but with everything happening the way it is... Who knows? God, please help me fix my life.

As I think of the US's economy, I first thought of other people in my situation.. I felt sympathy.. I thought of the singers and celebrities and I thought of the situation affecting them.. Then I thought of all of them with his/her best singing album.. Its because of us, the consumers.. We continue to support thru our struggles.. With us, there would be no them... And some of the celebrities, just like our other rich Americans are prepared... And when I think of rich regular Americans, I think of my money-hungry roommate... Hell, he aint money-hungry, he's money-full... I can't figure him out.. Like when I had money and he didn't.. I bought him food.. And the funny thing about that is, when he didn't have money he didn't offer me any of his food... He got that food, because his mom bought it for him.. I don't even think I even like crab rangoon.. But it's just the point of him offering it... Or another scenarios, is when he went out he never asked if I wanted anything.. Or the simple fact that he has money to buy groceries and hasn't bought them. I think it's the simple fact of sharing them w/me. Even though he's not obligated to feed me.. I would feed him... I dunno.. Maybe I am over thinking it too much...Maybe not... Because there was a time when I asked to use his phone, he said "he guess.." That pissed me off the most... Don't guess, just fucking say yes or no.. Dammit!!! That I guess shit or I don't care is gonna make me leave this bitch and I'll be living in my motherfucking car...

Now I am thinking about the things that I gotta do tomorrow and things that I missed today.. It sucks when your license is suspended and you can't drive.. I miss that freedom; i will appreciate it more, once I get to the dmv Monday. I cannot fucking wait!!! I have so much to get done in my life.. I should make the best of it.. That's what I should do.. Least I am alive... Least I am not homeless!!! I will be, if I don't like being here or if he kicks me out.. Oh, my God!!! Fucking help me please!! Bless America, bless me, bless my family, bless us all.... Please!!!

I am tired and almost about to pass out.. I wonder when Steve will get home.. It has been peaceful w/o him!! And quiet too... He'll be back soon... Unfortunately for the other life form, and fortunate b/c its his house.. Spending the weekend alone has made me realize how peaceful it is to live alone... Whew!! It's fucking awesome... Oh, my God.. Relaxing... I am out..

Dueces!!!!

Love,

Jv